In September 2020, Maggie Donnelly Lough’s husband, Pat, was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. He had visited his GP after suffering some bleeding and after being referred for a colonoscopy, he was diagnosed with a tumour on his bowel. Pat, from Manorcunningham, Co Donegal, was 68 years old at the time of his diagnosis, which came during pandemic restrictions. “That was very tough,” says Maggie. “He had to go for five weeks of radiotherapy in Derry and after that his operation was on December 31. I was allowed to see him off into surgery but then I couldn’t see him for two weeks.”

Pat’s surgery took nine hours and while recovering from the operation in hospital, he contracted Covid. “He was in hospital for a total of five weeks because his wound would not heal. He was very sick,” says Maggie.  

Pat was fitted with a stoma, and Maggie received 30 minutes of training in how to care for this. Ordinarily, a stoma nurse would come out to visit Pat and check up on him, but because of Covid, these visits didn’t take place. 

Pat was told that his condition was curable, and that the operation surgery should we sufficient. “Unfortunately, probably four or five months later, he went for a PET scan, and they discovered that Pat had cancer in his liver and his lungs, it had jumped in that space of time,” says Maggie. 

He was understandably devastated to receive this news. “After this diagnosis, they changed his treatment quite a lot, and he had terrible reactions to all the treatments,” says Maggie. “It was very hard for him.” 

He continued treatment but the cancer had spread to his bones. His oncologists agreed to stop treatment and to manage his pain relief. 

“Pat never shed a tear until after that meeting when we went back out to the ward,” says Maggie. “He broke down and it was the first time I had seen him sob. I took him home and that really was the beginning of everything.”

The couple, who had been together for 18 years, decided to formalise their relationship and they had a small wedding. It was Pat’s wish that he would spend his remaining time at home. He stayed in a hospice for a week, while Maggie got the house ready. 

During Pat’s illness, he used the Irish Cancer Society’s Volunteer Driver service. “It was great to get that covered. We had some difficult times when Pat came out of hospital first. I couldn’t get a medical card, which was appalling to me. It took me three months to get it finally. The bandage that he needed when he came out of hospital was €321 each and they weren’t covered by health insurance.” 

Maggie also got support from counselling via Sligo Cancer Support Centre, which receives funding from the Irish Cancer Society. “My counsellor was a lifeline. I had a meeting with her once a week and I could go over everything. When Pat's treatment was not up to par, I used to get really angry, and I would have to pull myself back. My counsellor helped me approach things from a different angle.” 

Pat passed away peacefully at home in October 2022. Maggie’s advice for others facing a similar situation is to listen to the person when they’re talking. “People don’t know how to talk to people with cancer or people at the end-of-life stage. Cancer isn’t them, it’s just a condition they have and they’re the same person.” 

She adds: “Spend time with your loved ones and don't wait to say things until later because you don’t know what the future holds.”