After noticing a lump in her breast, Debbie Murphy, a 48 year old palliative care nurse manager of 24 years, monitored it for a two-week period to see if it went away. “I believed this was the general advice to allow for hormonal changes. However, if there are persistent changes, get them checked – so I gave it the two weeks. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have waited.”

Following a GP appointment, Debbie was referred for her triple assessment. “I was seen within two weeks but it took a further two weeks for the mammogram and ultrasound. After chasing people I knew in the hospital, I was fortunate to get a cancellation appointment. Nothing showed up on my mammogram, but there was something on my ultrasound and then the biopsy all but confirmed my diagnosis. Even though the team more or less knew for certain that I did have cancer, we had to wait for the pathology report before they could confirm my diagnosis. For me, that time waiting was unbearable and felt like it went on forever. You wonder if the process could be streamlined for clinicians and patients.”

For her treatment, Debbie underwent a lumpectomy and six cycles of chemotherapy which finished mid-March. Her radiotherapy will follow. Her chemotherapy experience has been extremely difficult. “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to go through. I found it physically, emotionally and psychologically devastating. I thought from having the vast professional knowledge I have that I knew what to expect. How wrong I was. Witnessing it and going through it yourself are two very different things”.

As a community palliative care nurse, Debbie explains that this posed some challenges for her. “In palliative care, the majority of patients you see are not going to recover from their cancer. My view of cancer is very skewed. So for me, it became quite difficult to reconcile that with my own diagnosis, because I knew by catching it early, and my treatment plan, that my chances of survival were very high. It’s almost as if I had to de-programme myself from associating cancer with death, which is much easier said than done.”  

On her cancer experience so far, Debbie highlights how despite the support made available she felt very alone and lacking in guidance. “It’s not the staff’s fault. They are amazing and give you everything they can, but there just aren’t enough of them and those that are there are so overstretched. I have been on the receiving end of amazing care and shown so much compassion. As a nurse, when working with patients at end of life, we’ve recently seen a lot of anger from families who have come through the healthcare system and having being on the receiving end of the system myself, I understand that anger. Doctors and nurses are overwhelmed and run off their feet, but for somebody getting a cancer diagnosis it is one of the scariest things you’ll ever be told. I think people need more support in that moment and throughout their treatment.” 

Throughout her cancer experience, Debbie has made use of a number of Irish Cancer Society supports, as well as local supports in the south-east. She is encouraging anyone facing a diagnosis to reach out and avail of these services. “I wanted to make use of different supports that I know are out there. I found the Irish Cancer Society website hugely helpful and I’ve attended some of their health and wellbeing courses on how to get through your diagnosis and treatment. I’ve also attended my local cancer support centre and availed of their complimentary therapies, which I have found really useful. I think reaching out and making use of the supports on offer can be really helpful in getting through your treatment.” 

Debbie’s local cancer support centre is one of 24 across the country where the Irish Cancer Society provides funding for counselling services, which Debbie has availed of. “The counselling service has been extremely valuable. At the moment, where I am in my cancer journey, I’m still in ‘coping and getting on with it’ mode. I know I will make use of the service more when my treatment is coming to an end and I’m trying to get back to move forward with my life.” 

“Before I told my children I spoke with the counsellor on how I planned to do this. It was very difficult, but my husband and I did it together. After telling the twins, they went on as normal 5 year olds do. But we have always kept the conversation open and they come back with questions when they want. We have always been truthful with them. They’re very different and cope differently. When I’m not feeling great, their behaviour changes. But when I’m well they are well, they have dealt with it unbelievably. When I lost my hair one barely reacted, just said I looked funny bald. The other needed me to wear my wig until he adjusted. That only took a few hours, but we went at his pace. One afternoon my husband was taking them to get a haircut – we would usually do that together because they can be a handful at the barbers, but this time it was just him taking them. The one who doesn’t like change asked why I wasn’t going and the other said ‘because she doesn’t need to, she hasn’t got any hair!’ We all burst out laughing. Little moments like that provide the comic relief to get you through some tough periods.”

“I met with the kids’ teacher recently who told me based on their behaviour at school, you wouldn’t be able to tell there was anything different going on at home, which is the best thing I think you could hear as a parent. 

Life is very different now. The life I envisaged I would have is, gone and will not return, even after treatment ends. It’s like there’s my life before my diagnosis, and everything else afterwards, but life goes on. My next step is to look and move forward into the next chapter of my life as a breast cancer survivor, which will provide me with a whole new set of challenges”.