Last radio

Neadi,

Best of luck for your last radio session today. I can't believe you will finish your treatment today, where does the time go to. As we all know it's a long and tough journey, but somehow you find the strength to get through it.

Are any of our books really finished? No one knows that, even healthy people don't know what life is going to throw at them.

Take care and treat yourself to something nice for getting through the last 9 months.

Roseo

Thanks roseo!
I have to see my surgeon next week for a check up so then I can relax!!
I'm looking forward to a break from hospitals to tell you the truth and concentrating on recovery and getting back to teaching in sept!

You're dead right nobody knows what's ahead so I'm gonna make sure my book is full of good and happy things!!!

Xx

Hi Neadi

So pleased to hear you are done! Although it probably doesn't seem like it to you, time has flown - I can remember you starting!

You have done so well! Enjoy the rest and think maybe of a phased return to work in Sept. The incredible tiredness post treatment is not to be underestimated. It's strange ... Not sick anymore but not the same as before cancer came a knocking.

Look after yourself.

D

Well done Neadie I know the feeling it's great but as Dane says don't push yourself , unfortunately we won't be like we were before all this and listening to other people not only is the tiredness hard to deal with , the concentration is very difficult. If you look back on past posts you will see people found it very hard. Just take your time and listen to your body and don't expect too much from it and always remember you are now cancer free and will get back to full health in the coming years. Look after yourself. Xxxx

Well done Neadi...... cant believe your finished - looking back I thought you were a newbie and I was an oldie and I still have rads to go - well done girl

Congrats, Im just a little bit behind you.

I have two sessions to go and finished on 8th July

People keep asking am i excited, saying it flew by, great for it to be over (all kicked off last Oct) - i dont know what to feel or how to answer. It flew by in the sense of i never thought this point would come then again at the start I thought this point would have come earlier. hadnt allowed for delays, missing treatments, break between surgery, chemo and rads - I'd put a max six month window on it! And then there are my own questions - Is it over or just on the back burner! These should not be expressed with others or then perceived as negativity as opposed to proper reality!

I feel its not really over and never will be. Still have reconstruction to go, then need to have ovaries removed. But even with this i dont feel it will ever be over. The door on it will be closed for now but who knows after that. I know gotta be positive and I am and will be - its other peoples over positively that gets to me. Like to them its closed off, done and dusted and everything is grand again - but whether or not it does come back it and this experience will still live with me forever - which is good and bad.

The other side for me is that, great its almost finsihed (and i should be fine by now but nothing of me now resemembels my old self! Want my hair, strenght, fitness, body back - then will it be over.

Bit of a rant but I wish people would realise that last treatment date does not mean you are better or that you are back to you. Its almost like the closer to the end day, the more it catches you up and real emotional and physical healing only now begins> Its like its only the begining of recouperation time - the last months were just fighting time

Oh carkey I couldn't agree with you more. Most people say 'oh it's great you're finished' and I say 'no I'm still on herceptin' I've a pain trying to explain to people what that is. Yes people do perceive that once you're finished you're fixed, get on with it but all you know it's not like that. The toll it takes on your body and mind is in horrendous . I was watching the death of Bernie Nolan on the news tonight and when they said she got the all clear last year I bawled for Ireland. I was sorry for her but I was more sorry for myself realising this damn thing could come back and they'll lose control of the cancer. I'm scared sometimes. I have very sore bones and have a dreadful pain in my shoulder and leg (broke it 5 years ago) at the moment. Next time I've to go for scans and mammogram ill be petrified. It's not easy but we have to try and stay positive and I suppose the more time elapses the more confident we will get.

My hair is driving me mad at the moment, although I'm happy to have hair don't get me wrong but I hate the dark colour and now I've uncontrollable CURLS!!!

Oh I so agree - my story is that I am still waiting to be called for Rads, was up on Tues for mapping so it's close.. but my friends in their rush to be supportive keep asking when, when, when, and I don't know Friend and family say 'when you get through Rads you'll be sorted'.. but you really do have to be in our shoes to understand what it feels like to wake up in teh middle of the night sorrounded by doom and gloom and convinced that someone somewhere might have gotten one of your tests WRONG..
Resolute

Oh God resolute I thought it was only me thought like that. I feel I should be happy but I'm not.bernie Nolan dying has really affected me as she got the all clear last year!!!

Bernie Nolan's story has really affected me too!! I was diagnoised in July 2011 so coming up to my 2nd anniversary!! Have a summer of appts and results ahead of me including BRACA results eeeeekkkksss !! ahead of me and her story really has knocked me for 6!! its such a roulette! Well may she rest in peace and may it be a reminder to live every day - my sister sent me a caption yday ' Worrying wont stop the bad things from happening it just stops you from enjoying the good' really trying to remember that!!

I genuinely thought I was alone and reading all these posts just makes me realise I'm not.
I've been quiet coz I've just been feeling so all over the place. I had to have a biopsy on my nail last week because of streaks that wouldn't go away. The doc isn't that worried and did it as a precaution nut I'm scared, and yes the Bernie Nolan story just made me realise that no the story ain't necessarily over for me or anyone....

The cards are away the flowers are I'm the bin, and everyone thinks "it's over".

I've got the results of this thing, a mammogram on sept 25th and aches which I'm hoping are from the lovely tamoxifen, oh and reconstruction next year.

I look in the mirror at a fat half bald lopsided kretin, who can't even get a decent picture for her driving licence and even the hot weather doesn't particularly cheer me up coz of the hot flushes and the outfit choices are limited.

A new appreciation of life??? Hmmm...... I certainly appreciate my old life and wish to god I had that back again.
Time? Maybe I need that, but golly I wish I knew what was ahead of me 9 and a half months ago...... Maybe it will get better now I don't have to be tied to hospitals as much, but the fear and loathing of this horrible disease will always stay with me.

Sorry for rant, but I know you guys "get it"!!

Xx

Neadi, Your'e NEVER alone here and thats one of the reasons I am soo glad I found this forum apart from the obvious nuggets of information we pass to each other, it's also about the psychological end of things aswell and sometimes you just don't want to burden your family etc with your darkest thoughts ...

Resolute