Feeling strange before last Taxol tomorrow

Hi Roseo,

First of all welcome to this club that no one wants to join! I hope that some of the posts have helped you through your treatment.

Of course it feels strange to be facing the last chemo treatment. The whole chemo experience is strange but well done you to have got practically to the end. This time tomorrow and the chemo day ward will be a thing of the past for you.

I felt strange too. On my last day I walked the 5 km to the hospital, it was March and all the trees were in bud, the birds were singing and the sun was shining and I was feeling very light headed with the freedom of it all. It felt wonderful and I am sure it will for you too. But definitely strange too, I agree!

Good luck

Kathleen

Hi Roseo

I have just read your post and it took me back to the last chemo session I had. I too felt a bit strange , looking back now I think we get wrapped up in the whole process of preparing for chemo, getting it and then dealing with the afternath of it , so when it comes to an end there is a feeling of apprehension. You wonder if it has done its job and in some very strange warped way there is a little fear of being sent out on your last day and feeling somewhat on your own. I remember walking out of my last session and there were no fanfares, no candles and cake. I left the ward, got into my car and just went home somewhat dazed. Once the effects of the last session dissipated, I truly started to realise that this whole nightmare was coming to an end, although I still had surgery and rads to go through. The feeling of not having to deal with the after effects of chemo was just brilliant. Taste buds came back, energy improved and hair started to grow again.
Just think this time tomorrow it will all be over and you have conquered a huge trial. It will only get better from here on in.
Be good to yourself and treat yourself to something nice.
You are wonderful for getting this far.
Sending you lots of love and light

Sinéad

God it's strange isn't it. I was delighted to have my last chemo New Year's Eve but I still had to come home and get ready for the endurance of that chemo. So delighted that has passed and had my lumpectomy on Monday. Now I'm terrified of going in on Friday for the results. Like you say, chemo is over & has it done all it's supposed to? If she said I have to have more ill be devastated. I will be so happy after Friday, but I wonder do we ever relax or do we always worry when we have tests or does it get easier the further away from it we get? I'm still in for herceptin until August. I think it'll take time for me to realise I'm going to be alright.

Good morning ladies,

Many thanks for sharing your stories with me.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who felt a bit strange before the last dose of chemo.You can be sure that I will be treating myself to something really nice when I hit the shops next week.

Wicklow Lady- you only have another day to wait before getting your results. Keep yourself busy today and I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get good results tomorrow.

Roseo

Thanks rosio, I'm feeling quite anxious and emotional and am glad I've only to wait until the morning. I think it's also because the last time I went to see Jane in her clinic it was when she told me I had breast cancer. Just realised that my grandad who I loved and who used to put me on his knee and tell me stories is dead 36 years tomorrow so I hope that's an omen that he will look after me. I was 14 when he died, I remember it well. I know I'm probably worrying over nothing but I need to hear her saying the words 'everything is fine Mary you are now cancer free' xxxx

Hi Roseo,

I think the strange feeling comes from the light at the end of the tunnel.

Kath

Yes Kathleen,

I called it my "reawakening" realising that I was getting out of this hospital lark & could get back to some sort of normal life. I did feel strange on my last Herceptin & yes also a little afraid but now I have what I call my new normality because it is different than before BC but it is good, certainly a better quality of life as appreciate everyone & everything so much more.

Girls,

strongly recommend you read this http://ijph.blogs.springer.com/students ... s-oconnor/ excellent piece on cancer survivorship!!

Had a quick look at the blog and think this will definitely help me in the post-chemo phase.

Many thanks for posting the link.

Roseo

Hi roseo

I hope the last one went well.i can totally relate to how you are feeling it is such a strange feeling when you come to the end of chemo especially when you spend most of it wishing for the end!!although you hate it it almost becomes a security as you know it's doing a good job ridding us of this disease.i found myself a little lost after I finished chemo and scared too.but you get past it and start to enjoy your new normal.i found a website/blog to might find helpful to read I felt I was ready my own thoughts exactly.its called journeying beyond breast cancer.

Xxx

Hi Wilmaone,

My last Taxol went OK on Thursday but I did feel a bit scared and lost leaving the breast clinic. I felt like I was going out into the unknown. Happy that I had finished my chemo but scared of the future. Strange feeling actually but I'm sure I will adjust.

The only reassuring thing is that I'm not alone and that others felt exactly the same. The journeying beyond breast cancer blog will certainly help me during this time.

Have a nice weekend.

Roseo

Congrats on getting through it. I was the same. Felt scared and a bit lonely (weird) leaving the day ward. You're leaving a big support team who you saw every week or every two weeks behind you... Then I moved into radiation and had that every day for 33 days. Leaving there felt really weird too because that was it. i was finished. I just wondered where did the last 9 months go. Some of it is a blur.
But we are lucky we are at the end of it.

Ann

Hi Ann

Congrats to you on finishing all your treatment. I have got my head around finishing chemo and am due to start radiation this Tuesday. So the vicious cirlce will start all over again .... apprehensive about the whole thing, side effects that my occur etc. My mind is running away with itself. I'm sure things will be OK once I get started with the radiation.

Be thankful that you have got this far and treat yourself to something really nice for reaching the finishing line.

Roseo

Going in for my second op tomorrow didn't get clear margins two weeks ago. Will be heading towards radiotherapy then but after chemo I will put up with anything. Let me know how rads go Roseohh as I will be starting soon. Thanks

Best of luck with the Rads Ladies. Its no where near as bad as chemo. only 5 mins a day even less in the machine. The first session is nerve racking but once you start going in everday, it gets easier.
I only suffered with redness and a bit of tenderness. Keep applying the cream that they advise and hopefully all should be fine. I had the radiotherapy in Limerick and i have to say they were great. The nurse kept a good eye on my skin and I met the consultant every 2 weeks.

Ann

Hi Ann,

Thanks for your reply.

I hope I'll be OK once I get through the 1st session today at 2 pm and know what it's all about.

As I'm very pale-skinned, I hope that my skin will survive the 28 sessions and will not get too affected by the Rads.

Will let you know how I get on.

Roseo

Hi Roseo
How was your first few days of rads? Just letting you know I am a very pale girl too and was very surprised with my skin holding its own through 33 sessions. Had the full area done for 5 and a half weeks and a booster to the tumor site for a week. What helps too is just not wearing a bra at all if you can. Lets the skin breath more. Just mind the skin as much as you can.
Kr
Ann

Many thanks Ann

I've had 5 sessions so far and my skin is doing OK. Have another 23 sessions to go. As you suggested, I'm taking good care of my skin.

I feel like the days are flying by and I'm sure the radiation stage will be over and done with very quickly. Let's see how I feel when radiation is over.

Roseo