Scared of dilator

Hi all,

I just found this forum and wish I had found it several months ago. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer on 26th February 2020, had a radical hysterectomy on 31st March and then 23 sessions of radiotherapy finishing on the 19th June. It's been just over a month since my last radiotherapy but I still cant bring myself to use the dilator to prevent the scar tissue. Honestly I dont know why. I am 36 years old and do wish to continue having a normal sex life but just cant mentally bring myself to follow the advice.

I suppose I've just found it difficult to access supports during the pandemic and although technology is great, I do find it very difficult to say anything other than I'm fine in these zoom calls or whatever technology is being used.

I also wonder how everyone is feeling about returning to work. Financially I'm very lucky in that I'm under no pressure to return any time soon, however it has been mentioned to me on several occasions by medical professionals about when I plan on returning. Honestly, I dont feel up to returning to work just yet, I usually work 60/70 hour weeks and know myself I wouldn't be able to keep up with my colleagues right now.

Thanking you in advance for taking the time to read and any advice you can offer.