Dad died and I couldn't say goodbye due to Covid restrictions

My dad died on 3rd August 2021 only 4 weeks after receiving a lung cancer diagnosis. The doctors thought he would have at least a year to live but unfortunately he got an infection and died very suddenly. The cancer had already first to his spine which was broken in 2 places and his brain. He was still making jokes despite the pain he was in. He had been suffering with back pain for months but had been to the GP 4 times who says he had a slipped disk and did no tests. My dad was a very heavy smoker.

I'm living in Australia and because of travel restrictions I did not get home in time to see him which I don't think I will ever get over. I loved him so much. I turned 27 a few days after he died and had not seen him in almost 2 years. I feel I missed out on so much precious time with him. He absolutely loved children and it breaks my heart that he will never meet mine if I have them.

I had planned to take 3 months unpaid leave to come home and be with him and care for him. Even though this would have meant I might have been giving up my life in Australia. None of us thought he would go that quickly, especially my Dad who never gave up hope. Maybe it was better for him that he didn't have to go through loads of treatments and chemotherapy.

It all feels like too much to bear at times.