Baldness and young children

Hi Anriocht

I have a 4 year old boy. In the days prior to the hair going altogether it fell out all over the place and he found that distressing so I told him the truth. Simply, gently and no big words. Mum was sick with cancer, the doctors in the hospital were going to help to make her better but that the medicine would make her hair go away but in the meantime I had "dressing up hair" (the wig) and I would use that or a hat or scarf. He took it all in his stride. First time he saw me bald he did a double take as I sounded like me but didn't look like me. My team said honesty was the best policy but no big drama, simple stuff matter of fact.

Hope that helps.

D

Hi Dane7,

Thanks for your reply and appreciate your helpfulness.

Yes, the breast care team in James's advise that it is best to be honest if at all possible. I have been completely honest with my 14 year old, I was just a little concerned with a little one as young as four, if they would have difficulty grasping it all. But I think the way you did it is good, keeping it simple and as you say that when it comes to the hair all going, she will be aware of it beginning to fall before that anyway

Thanks again!
M xx

hi all,
im new to this, but im in the same situation, i have 3 children..the older one is 15 she knows and understands but my other two are 9 and 7 and i havent the guts to tell them..i know i have to as i start my treatment next week but as you already said honesty is best,

thanks lyn

Hi Girls

I have 3 girls 12,9 and 5 - after two weeks of finding out I had cancer I sat the two of them down and told them outstraight that I had breast cancer BUT the type I had was the good type and that I was going to be sick for a year but the kind I had wasnt really serious cancer the type you can die from (you may think that sounds weird to say that) but thats all kids want to know is that you are going to be okay we have to remember that at their age cancer is a huge word and outside the house their friends etc. will know someone who has died from it. I kept on and on stressing that it was breast cancer and if there was any sort of cancer to get that was the best type.

With the five year old I didnt include her in that conversation as felt it was too much. I took her aside one day and said that Mammy is going to be sick for a while and guess what something REALLY WEIRD (with a giggle I said) that my hair is going to fall out and I am gonna get a cool new wig. She took it all in her stride and said can you get a blonde one and if you take out a tooth you will look just like me.

Dont know what you think of the above but thats the way i did it - honesty is best policy but beware that people outside will have horror stories about cancer so assure them as much as you can.

Here is a clip of them when they see me bald for first time http://kickingtheshiteoutofcancer.com/my-kids-video/

I really tried to make light of the baldness thing and make it funny and stuff for them I found they seemed to react well to that.......

Hope that helped some and you dont think I am a nutter!!

Dee

Hi Anriocht,

I saw a reference to this book recently. It might help you explain things to your 4 year old.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nowhere-Hair-eb ... 868&sr=8-1

Best of luck

Kath

Hi Anriocht

You mentioned in another post that you may just get the wig and not say anything. That would mean you would have to wear the wig all the time even in the house. To be honest dont think its a great idea, firstly you will want to take wig off in the house and just wear a hat and secondly at some stage if you didnt say anything and she did see you think that would be more of a shock. Just my opinion for what its worth

Have a good think about it anyhow.

Thank you all for your replies. Thanks Kathleen for the link for that book, it looks good, will order today.

I will be going the honesty route with her, just the thoughts of it I think that was bothering me.

Will broach the subject in next week or so with it, before it begins to fall.

Thanks again,
Myra xx.

The Irish Cancer Society also have a brochure on telling the kids. Best of luck with your first chemo tomorrow xx

I agree with keeping it simple, kids are remarkable really. My kids were 3 and 6 when I was diagnosed and I was dreading the hair loss and how they'd react. I told my daughter that mummy had to take some silly medicine and it would make my hair fall out for a while and she accepted that, I also said the medicine would make me better but I didn't actually use the cancer word as didn't feel the need. My boy was really too young to understand but I showed him the scarves before it all went so he wouldn't think it odd, me wearing them around the house (I never let them see me bald, or anyone else, but that was just my vanity). One night, I came in from work and threw wig on chair cos it was annoying me, I forgot to move it and the next day he said to me: Can you move your hair please cause I want to sit there?

Kazoo brilliant comment ... Kids are hillarious!
My little man very loudly offered his mum's dressing up hair to a bald male stranger in the supermarket. Was wearing my hat that day! Don't know who was more embarrassed me or that poor
man lol

Hi there,

Good luck. Agree with the above, honesty is best both for your children and yourself - it would be difficult for you to keep things secret and they will sense something is wrong anyway.
My youngest was 8 when I was first diagnosed. I decided honesty was best and have talked about all the treatment, in language she could understand, from the beginning. I think if you remain possitive about your treatment, and tell them you will get better then kids accept it.
I found out part way through I had to be careful exactly how much I said. Although I didn't mind my daughter knowing, she was announcing everything to the class at school! One of the children in the school had had chemo and her hair had grown back really full and curly so I was told to look forward to that!