Day 7 of my nightmare (breast cancer)
Hi everybody.
Last Friday I was told I had grade 1/2 breast cancer. I am just devistated. My head is all over the place and now I am being sent for stage tests...I gave bloods- they all came back normal, and had my CT scan this morning. 2 weeks ago I ran 10 K for breast cancer not realising the very next morning i would detect the lump..... I am so terrified that its somewhere else. I ache all over sensing the worst. I'm back at work teaching until the time when I will have surgery and drugs and everybody comments on how ell I'm doing. Inside I'm in turmoil....what the hell is going to happen to me? I'm still waiting on a bone scan and MRI. All my other 37 year old friends and my twin are out thereliving a normal life....I don'tthink I will ever feel normal again. Help!
Comments
Hi MM
Am writing this in the school computer room,as just couldn't face the staffroom and the endless questions, when I have no answers at all.
Thanks very much for your lovely reply. It really does help hearing that people do survive this. As regards the running, I've been out for walks, but just couldn''t face running, as I've been thinking all sorts as to what got me into this shitty situation in the first place.... Did I exercise too much.....did I drink too much diet coke......and so the mind wanders and wanders and wanders.
but i have to face up to this, i have to be brave. I want to get through this, but at the moment, the mountain is so unknown and just so big and scary.
hopefully one day i'll be back running and fubraising too....
thanks again
Neadi xx
Hi Neadi,
Sorry that you are joining our "Club"....there are a lot of us here, so you are NOT alone. I'm a prostate cancer survivor, but I can identify with everything you say and what you are going through. What you describe is "normal".
When I was first diagnosed, I don't think 15 minutes of the day went by without thinking about Cancer - "What if...?", "What am I going to do?", etc. Its an awful time for you. Find ways of coping. Your running will help, so don't skimp on it if you can at all. Your fitness will also stand to you during any treatment that may be necessary.
I know what you mean wrt people saying about how well you are doing, but really they know 'F...all'. Don't resent them for what may appear as platitudes...They mean well, but, in general, have absolutely no concept of what you are going through.
Life throws some "wobblers" at us doesn't it......I too raised a fair bit of cash for Cancer running Marathons, never thinking that one day I'd be on the receiving end. I'm back running Marathons...hopefully you will too, after treatment.
Meantime, if you haven't done so already, why not, when you're ready, call in to one of the Daffodil centres, or ring the Freefone helpline on 1800-200-700.
Take care! MM