early days

Hi Hugs,

You are right it is "early days" for you and this is the worse time waiting for results and a plan. Every day can seem like a week and very difficult to concentrate on normal activities, although I expect you are kept busy with your four children. I hope you have family and friend support.

If this turns out to be cancer the treatments which are good these days are all manageable. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Jan 2009 age 40 and had mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy and although all are unpleasant and something you would prefer not to do, I was surprised how I coped. Survival mode takes over and you focus on getting through each stage.

If you are diagnosed with cancer the breast care nurses are supportive and can advise you on talking to your children e.t.c

I won't waffle on anymore as at the moment it is all up in the air for you regarding plans and treatment will be based on your results and may be different to mine. But just wanted to offer you some encouragement for the future. I will be thinking of you and hoping you get a clear plan at your next appt. Please keep us updated how you are doing. If you ever have any questions I can help with please feel free to ask me at any stage. You can always PM (private message me if you wish)

Wishing you strength at this time!
A

Hi hugs
Avalanche is right, the waiting for results is the worst part of the journey. I remember all too well my wait . . . .my results were not coming back clear cut at the beginning and I felt every day seemed like a week. I found this site helped me so much and continues to help. I also remember the breast cancer support nurses where very helpful when I used ring them.

March 1st may seem a long time away but it will be upon you before you know it. Try (not easy) to do things that takes your mind off the results, my house was never as clean as it was while waiting for results.

The most important thing at this stage is to decide who goes with you for the results. It was one of the best bits of advice I got from the girls here on the site. You think you will remember everything the consultant tells you . . . believe me you wont, so an extra pair of ears is vital.

Will be thinking about you.

Best of luck and remember if it is cancer it is NOT the end of the world, treatment these days has come a long long way.

Evelyn

Thanks a million. Im finding it so hard to talk to anyone about it. I dont want to be a drama queen, but on the other hand I know all is not right.

I brought my sister in with me when I was going in for the tests, and she came in when I went in to talk to the surgeon. Im so glad I did, because she was able to ask the questions that were flying around in my head, but wouldnt come out. Also, it made her realise how serious the situation seemed, even before the results do come. i know that if she hadnt heard the surgeon herself, she would have thought I was picking out bad things only. She heard herself the gravity of the situation.

I have fully prepared myself (well as much as possible) for the fact that im going to have to have a masectamy. I asked the surgeon could this be the case, and he said that no matter what the results were, it was going to mean major surgery. I say chop it off...get rid of it.

My fear is that if it is something ,it is in my lymph nodes (they were slightly swollen acording to the surgeon). This terrifies me. Im finding my self imagening that i have it elsewhere, and i know im being rediculous, but i cant hepl it. My mind is running away with itself. I wish I could just sleep for the next week...and wake up on the 1st.

My husband will be coming in with me for the results.

I had read this forum before going in for the tripple assesment, and am so glad I did, because I insisted that my sister came in with me, otherwise I would have been on my own.

Its really odd, sometimes Im oddly calm, and planning what im going to be doing over the next few weeks, how the family wil cope, etc. Then I find myself bursting into tears for no reason.

Thanks for replying!

Hi Hugs,

All your emotions are normal. It is very difficult to be calm and rational all the time in the circumstances. You are doing great! Do not try to be too stoical trying to putting on a brave front for everyone. It is good you have a supportive sister and husband. Do try to share some of your concerns with them. It is likely they have the same worries and can be a relief to share them and even shed a tear together as well as sometimes some warped humour as the tension lifts!

If you are not sleeping consider seeing your Gp and discussing if a mild sleeping tablet might help as a temporary measure to get you through to results day. I did this and felt so much better after some sleep.

Best Wishes
A

I cant believe how long this week is. Its only wednsday, and i wont know whats going to happen till monday.
For a lot of the time Im calm, and even found myself calmly looking for new pj's and slippers for the hospital...trying to figure out which ones would be more comfortable. Then I heard that Eugene Lambert died and I burst into tears. I was a fan...but completly irrational reaction.

I have told a couple of people about whats happening, and it has really helped. My husband told his friend, so at least he has someone (other than me) to talk to about it.

I have stopped looking it up on the internet, because i was really scaring myself.

I havent really been well for the past few months, but not sick enough to go to the doctor if you know what i mean. Now im full of guilt that maybe I should have gone, even though I just thought i was a bit run down.

Roll on Monday, I just want to know

Hi there,

Another young Mum here too, 37, 3 little ones, I've had surgery, chemo and taking month off before start Radiotherapy.. if you ever want to have a rant just pm me and I'll give you my number. Thinking of you and everyone else going through this, it is simply not fair.

Hi Hugs,

So sorry to hear that you are going through this shitty time. I was 37 with a 20 month old son when I was diagnosed in 2006. I had an aggressive 7cm tumour with several positive lymph nodes - things were looking pretty bad and to be honest I had myself dead and buried several times over.

I'm now four years out and doing fine. I just want you to hear that and keep it in mind. I still remember how scary it all was but a cancer diagnosis these days does not mean the same as it did many years ago. Treatment, surgical options and medication have come a long way.

As others have said, this waiting is the WORST. We cannot help but explore every possible scenario and the worst scenarios take up the most of our time. Do try to keep busy and be nice to yourself to help you pass the time. And keep coming here so we can help you through the waiting.

Hugs to you. And hang in there.

Flo.

Good luck today Hugs, I'm thinking of you..we are all here online for some support whatever the outcome x

Ok girls.....looks like im in the club after all. One lump is cancer for definate (i cant believe im actually typing the word), the other looks like possibly very very early stages (i think).

Im going to have a lumpectomy. The two lumps are quite close together, so they will take out that whole area. He said something about putting a wire on one side of each lump to mark out the area, and basically take away the area between the wires

The biopsy on my lymph node came back clear thank god, but they will be doing another test (the dye test), but they will do that at the same time as the lumpectomy.

The plan then is for chemo (if its needed) and definately radiotherapy.

I asked if a mastectomy might not be better (no chemo or radiotherapy needed then), i think he thought i was mad....lol
He said that that would be a bit drastic at this point, but that it could come to it. He isnt sure how large an area is affected, and will know after surgery.

I had no questions (well not many) and i was strangely calm. I dont know if it has sank in yet or if it is just that it was such a huge relief not to be told that it was too late and there was nothing they can do.

My friend said that it was if i was talking about going to the dentist

Anyway...what am i going to look like after the lumpectomy, its a big enough area...will i have a big dent.

Im more worried about being sick. I was telling the surgeon i had been planning to go to florida in september, should i cancel. he said that spring next year is probably more realistic....eek!

Anyway......deep breaths in...its a long road ahead....

Hi hugs and welcome to a very exclusive club of brillant strong survivors. I am of course sorry your resultsl were not negitive but well done on catching the cancer at an early stage. Great also that your lymph nodes are clear that is another positive you have going for you.
A friend of mine had a lumpectomy done last November overnight stay in hospital followed by one week of radiotherapy and she is flying since. She dreaded how her breast would look "with a lump missing" however her surgeon saved as much of the breast as possible as she is happy with the result.
Your surgeon is prob right to put a long flight holiday on hold for a little while but sure hotels here have great offers at present so avail of a few weekends away.
Take time to let all this sink in now and keep in touch.
Evelyn x x

Hi Hugs,

So sorry cancer has been confirmed. Sounds like your Dr's are being thorough and that you are in safe hands. When all the treatments are mentioned it sounds like it will be neverending but you will be surprised how quickly the time goes. You will get through it all. I have heard the Arc is very good for support like you mentioned so do try it out.

Best Wishes
A xxx

Hi Hugs

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I know how you feel. It's the start of a big journey but you will get through it. Do you know when your surgery will be taking place? I hope you don't have to wait. I remember feeling the same as you when I was with the Dr., like you said 'strangely calm'!! it's just all much to take in at times. It really got to me when I was told I needed chemo, I think that was my worst time. But you know you get there... it's good to come on here and compare notes and just know you are talking to people who know how you feel. My lumpectomy operation went very well...I hadn't had an anaesthetic since I was a child for my tonsils so I was really worried about that bit!! but it went very well, my scar is quite big but really neat and has healed really well, doesn't bother me now at all. You'll be absoutely fine. It's a good feeling to know the cancer has been removed. Take care and keep in touch! x

Hi summerbreeze. Im glad to hear your lumpectomy went well. How long were you sick/sore for afterwards. My son is making his communion on the 1st of may, so i would really like to be healthy for that. The surgeon said he could hold off on the chemo until after it, thank god.

Im a bit worried as to how i will look after it. Its quite a large area they will be taking out and he said that i would be left with a 'dent', but he said that as im a 'c' cup he should be able to move some (fat/tissue?) around so it might not look too bad.
Its at the top of the breast, so no disguising it. Ive been imagining myself stuffing my bra with tissues to try fill it in, but wouldnt actually work as its above the top of the bra line...lol. Sellotape might work

The chemo and radiotherapy terrify me, not so much getting it done, but the worry of the long term effects (damn google!).

The surgeon did say that he didnt know if id need hormone therapy as the tests for that havent come back. So im trying not to worry about that.

If i find my mind running away with itself...i just tell myself 'one day at a time'

Ok, I just got a call...It looks like im going on on monday evening, to be done on tuesday morning....eek......

Hi Hugs

So you have your date!! Its a bit scary when you hear that isn't it? Makes it all too real, but it's good to get the whole treatment process going...as much as you dread it. You are probably just going in for one night? I was just in the one night and to be honest I found that probably the easiest part of everything I had done. My tumour was near the top of my left breast so like yourself I was worried how I was going to look afterwards, but there's no need, the surgeons are so skilled and I think you will be ok with the outcome.It only left a small dent and as a few months have gone by now it looks even better(same underwear and no need for stuffing!!!!) It's good to hear you wouldn't be looking at chemo (if you even need it) before your son's communion. I feel for you there, it's just horrible when this thing interferes with our special times with our children . There were a few times when I couldn't do something with them that I really wanted to and I hated it, but then I thought well if I wasn't getting this looked after they would be a lot worse off!

I'm on hormone therapy now too, you'll know so much more after your lumpectomy as they will know exactly what you are dealing with then. As scary as it all is and you dread hearing the details, its worse not knowing. At least when your procedure is done you know exactly where you stand and what you need to do...Stay off the internet as much as you can for now!!!! except for this site of course! x

Thanks for that summerbreeze Im glad to hear you dont look too bad after the lumpectomy. I was giving out to myself for being so vain....lol Its not as if im going to be going topless anywhere....i was just afraid it would be obvious through clothes.

I did get upset when i got the call (i was suprised at that), but i am glad at least now i can get my bag ready. Any suggestions on what to bring?

I bought myself an itouch today, so im going to fill it up with music to suit all moods.

Were you able to get up and walk around easily enough after> I got my gall baldder out 3 years ago and it was grand, i recovered well, im hoping it will be the same here.

Hi Hugs

That's a great idea buying the itouch. That's the best suggestion I could give you as far as what to bring in with you. I find its the best way to try and relax by listening to music or the radio.Something to read, baby wipes (handy always) and that's it really I think, the time will go by quite quickly for you. I wasn't too sore to get up and walk around fairly quickly afterwards, you recover well. Try to take it easy over the weekend and don't worry too much, it'll be over before you know it. Hope hubby and the kids are coping ok. x

Hi Hugs,

I am only seeing your post now about your results and your surgery next week. So sorry to hear that it was confirmed as cancer but glad that you already have surgery planned. Here is another couple of things that can be useful for your stay in the hospital. Some things may seem a bit paranoid but the winter vomiting bug is doing the rounds in a few hospitals at the moment so its better to be prepared. Also you don't want to get any infection in your wound site so don't be afraid to ask staff if they've washed/disinfected their hands before touching you.

* Pyjamas with a front buttoning top (2 or 3 pairs)
(it makes examinations easier and are easier to get on if you are sore)
* Safety pins (2 should be enough)
(useful for pinning your drain(s) to your PJs)
* Flip flops for the shower IF you are in a shared ward
* Sanitizing spray/gel for your hands (and visitors)
* Lip moisturiser (such as Vaseline) - your lips can get very dry
* Lavendar oil - 2 or 3 drops on your pillow helps you relax and sleep and its a natural disinfectant
* The usual toothbrush, dressing gown, toiletries, etc.
* A couple bottles of water with sports top (anaesthetic can REALLY dehydrate you and the sports top means easier to drink and less spills)
And I highly recommend some sort of Baby wipes. The hospitals can get very hot and stuffy and wipes are great for freshening you up.

The iPod is a great idea (so is a DS if your kids have one and you are that way inclined) but make sure it is not left unattended when you are away from your bed for your surgery. Maybe your husband could hang on to any valuables for you. Or only bring them in AFTER surgery?

Also remember, before surgery you will have to remove all makeup, nail varnish (hands and feet) and all jewellery and body piercings.

If you want to tie your hair up, use an ordinary rubber band - NO metal is allowed at all.

If you are blind without your glasses, (like me!) ask if you can keep them on when you are brought down for surgery and have them given back to you in the recovery room.

And I usually ask someone to bring me in fruit and cranberry juice straight after an operation. The fruit is to help my guts get moving again cos you can get very constipated after surgery (and anaesthetic). The cranberry juice is good for helping prevent Urinary Tract Infections which sometimes occur after having a catheter in.

Good Luck and Hugs from,
Flo. X

PS - in case you are not familiar with drains and catheters (I know I wasn't before my surgery)..... a DRAIN is a tube with some sort of pouch/bag/ball at the end that you sometimes have attached to your wound after surgery. The site of the operation will weep some fluid and/or blood for a while after surgery (the way any cut would). The 'drain' removes this fluid and stops it accumulating inside your body. You usually have it for a few days
....... a CATHETER is a tube inserted into your urethra (where your wee comes from) so you can pee during surgery or without having to leave your bed as you recover. You might not need one of these. I hope telling you about these doesn't freak you out.

Thanks a mill flo, there are a couple of things i wouldnt have thought of. I did get freaked out at the thought of drains and catheters, but better be warned now...than getting freaked out at the hospital...lol

My bag is almost ready..its so sad because its normally being packed for holidays

I dont suppose ill get much sleep tonight....i wonder what time they will ring. I hate all of this waiting.

Hugs
Just wanted to say good luck, thinking of you. Take care of yourself.

Well, im home and feeling grand!
In yesterday, and out today, nice and quick.
I dont have a drain in, and the stitches disolve.
Im not too sore thank god, and im taking it easy. Its going to be 10 days before we know if they got it all. If not they will have to go back in.
At least Ill know what the plan of action is. Im going to try and not think about it too much until then

Hi Hugs,

You have the lumpectomy over with now..that's great! I'm delighted it went smoothly for you, and you are not too sore, it sounds quite like my experience. Unfortunately now you have the waiting bit...but it's not too long. Try to keep busy and don't think too much. Rest when you can and don't overdo it x.

Hi Hugs
Delighted operation is over and you are home. Now everyone is different, however my friend had same type of surgery out the following day. She had 5 days of radiotherapy and has not looked back since. Hopefully it will be the same for you.
Best of luck. Know the waiting is awfull, I am waiting to be called for my follow up scans and I just want them over and done witth.
Evelyn

Hi Hugs,

Another new friend here who's delighted to hear that you are safely home and that everything went well. Unfortunately you now have more of all that 'wonderful' (not!) waiting till you get your histology results.

When you are called back in for your results, they will probably talk to you about a few things -
MARGINS; they need to remove all cancerous tissue but also remove a portion of tissue around the lump and they want this 'margin' to be clear of cancerous cells so they can be sure they got everything. If your margins are not clear, they may bring you back for further surgery. So we'll all be keeping our fingers crossed that you have good clear margins.
GRADE; this is how the cancer cells in the tissue removed perform under the microscope and tells them if your cancer was fast growing (Aggressive) or slower.
RECEPTORS; cancer cells have 'receptors'. They may talk about your cancer being 'oestrogen receptor positive' or 'progesterone receptor positive'. This means that the cancer cells kind of 'feed' off the hormones, mainly oestrogen, in our bodies. Cancer cells can also be 'HER2 positive'. I don't really know a lot about this but think HER2 is another substance (growth hormone or protein?) in our bodies that breast cancer cells can 'feed' off.

All these factors determine what kind of follow up treatment you will get in the coming months. There are several different options and/or combinations of options that your team will look at to design a plan specifically for you.

How does your breast look after the op? I know you were worried beforehand about the cosmetic outcome of your lumpectomy. It may be bruised and swollen at the moment and will probably change over the coming weeks. Don't be afraid to mention how it looks to your surgeon. This is NOT vanity, our breasts are special to us and our self image. There are lots of options available these days to improve the cosmetic outcome of BC surgery. It may not be top of your list of priorities at the moment, but you are entitled to reconstruction if you want it so don't be afraid to ask about it at some stage if its on your mind.

I hope I am not giving you too much information. I found the more I knew about stuff before my clinic visits, the better questions I asked and the more I got out of the visit. I know not everyone is like that so if I'm telling you more than you want to hear, PLEASE say so!

Finally, well done girlie!!
Hugs,

Flo.

Hi evelyn, thats great about your friend. Hopefully I will be as lucky. It must be great to be fnished, but i would imagine scary waiting to see if you are clear.
Thanks summerbreeze. the waiting is a killer..it really is!

Flo, the more info i get the better off I am.

Im just trying to remember what i had done at the hospital.
They injected the nodes with a blue dye, then they put wire in on both sides (wire guided lumpectomy). I asked the doctor when he was doing the ultrasound what were the chances that i would have to have more surgery. He said judging by the ultrasound it was quite likely as i had lots of microcalsfications, they were very faint so some will only be seen on examination after the lumps were taken out, so it was harder to judge how much to take to get clear margins.

One of the lumps is cancer, the other one is dcis (not really sure of the difference), but they will know clearer once they have been examined properly.

My breast doesnt look too bad. Very little brusing so far!!!! He seems to have cut around the nipple, so no giant scar. I can feel a good bit of a dent, but with a supportive bra, I dont think it will be noticable. It is smaller than it was, but it was always bigger than the other breast, so it looks even...lol

If i get away with not having any more taken out, i will be fine.
I did say if they didnt get clear margins that i would prefer to go for a mastectomy as i would always be terrified it would come back...better having a clean break so to speak

There is just a small scar where they took the nodes. I have an odd tingling sensation on my left hand side, sort of in my jaw and around my shoulder. Its not sore, just weird. Im sure it has something to do with the nodes, but ill keep my eye on it.

Im on tramidol...they seem to be keeping the pain under control.

Im hoping that they have all the histology results monday week, i just want to know now at this stage what the plan is.

Sorry if im a bit jumbled...i blame the medication

Oh and they did a bone scan, ultrasound on my organs, and I had a chest x ray aswell...lol

Ok girls, im freaking out here.
I went down to the nurse at our local surgery to find out about changing my dressings. The hospital didnt give me any advice, i didnt even know when they should be changed.
To be honest the nurse wasnt great. I had gone down with two neat plaster like things...very flat...very tidy. She was quite clumsy changing it, and used big padding . It is very unconfortable.
Anyway, to get to the freaky part. I have been feeling itchy all day, and getting numbness and tingles on the side of my face. I presume its a side effect of the node removal (or maybe the tablets im on...lol)
I could hear a sloshing sound as i was walking around. Its actually comming from my breast. I can feel and hear the fluid sloshing around. Its disgusting...and is really making me feel sick.
I almost got my dh to drive me to the hospital i was that freaked out.
Ive looked it up and it seems normal (the liquid anyway). Im not sure about the numbness and tingles on the side of my face.

Im more nervous now than before i went in for the op

Hi Hugs
sorry to hear you are having problems. Now first of I was told to ring the breast clinic in Eccles St during the day or the ward of the hospital at night if I had any concerns. I needed strong painkillers however they caused the terrible itch you mention. The hospital faxed a script for an inti histomine know I spelt that wrong, they are an anti itch tablet and I never looked back. The numbness in your face i did not have but I am sure someone else will come on with advice. My advice is ring hospital.
Evelyn

Hi Hugs

Sorry to hear you're having some problems, I can't help I'm afraid..I didn't experience what you're describing but I would second Evelyns opinion and contact the hospital (maybe you have by now...) Hope you get sorted soon, it's hard being frightened like that, just don't be afraid to get on to the hospital anytime or the breast care nurse, they will always help you.

Hi Hugs,
Glad the lumpectomy is over. Would your local health centre, public health nurse be of any help to you?
Keep us posted.
Celine

Panic is over. Its completly normal, not infected. The wound is very clean. My scar is small aswell, the surgeo cut around the nipple, so no big marks. The scar for the sentinal node biopsy is very straight, nothing major either.

The liquid, while completly gross, and still turns my stomach, is part of the ehealing process. There seems to have been a large amount taken out (i think about the size of a tennis ball, but i could be wrong).

I still cant believe how hysterical i was the other night. The feeling is awful, it sounds like im carrying around a hot water bottle...lol. but the way i found to deal with it was to make a joke about it. I let the kids have a listen...and dh has been calling me sloshy. If i seriously think about it, it makes me feel yuck!

Its so great to be able to post up here!

& days to go till i get the histology results!!!!

Hugs..so glad you are feeling better! Even when you are having a tough time you seem to be able to see humour in things!! It's a great thing to be able to laugh sometimes, helps you through I think. Take care for now xx

Hi Hugs,

The fluid buildup is probably not urgent BUT you should let the Breast team know about it. It may need to be drained. I'm putting the contact nubers for the Breast Care Nurses at the bottom of this message,

Hugs,

Flo.

01-8032739 or 01-8034215

Hi Hugs
Following my mastectomy I had abuild up of fluid a few times.. It was not painfull just uncomfortable. I contacted the breast clinic and had it drained it was such a relief. I dont know if this is the same thing you have.
Evelyn

Thanks for that. I did try the breast nurse yesterday, but it was just an answering machine. In hindsight i probably should have left a message, but i suppose it still hasnt really sank in how serious this whole thing is, because I just thought 'its not a problem...i can deal with it'.
I did go to my own doctor and have a chat with her, and had my dressings changed. she had a look and said it didnt seem infected.
The breast nurse did phone me today to see how I was getting on. I explained about the fluid and she said that i should come in if it was uncofortable or sore. I think to be honest she was suprised i didnt go in, and would have preferred it if i had. (i really need to take this more seriously than i am)
The clinic isnt open tomorrow, but she said to come in on thursday if it was uncomfortable.

I need to stop saying 'its grand...its nothing'. I suppose its because i dont feel sick...i dont feel like an invilid.... I still feel like a fraud when I say that I have breast cancer...its really weird.

I find that when I tell people i always add 'but im grand...its no hassle'

Thanks for the numbers flo.
I am going to go in on thursday (its not open tomorrow) and get it checked anyway.

Hi hugs,
Glad you're going in tomorrow, it sounds like something that lots have needed to have done. Better be sure eh? Get what you mean by the having cancer but not feeling sick. I think some people expect us to be closed off in a quiet room and are so surprised when they see me in a shopping centre or something. Yeah I've got cancer but I'm not an invalid. Enjoy St. Patrick's Day. My husband and children are gone to a parade. I was going to go but then thought about the crowds and waiting around, terrified is someone accidently bumped into me, its still very tender. Anyway, you know the news I got yesterday and to be honest I just feel like the world stopping and letting me off. Now no more of that, dont want to hijack your thread ha ha.
Have a great day,
Celine

I had the seroma drained yesterday. It didnt hurt, jit was just like getting a blood test. It was weird watching them drain the fluid out...lol
It has started to fill up a little again, im sloshing today.
So monday is the big day for me. It cant come soon enough. Depending on the outcome, im going to florida for a week in april. Thats depending on wether they have to operate again. If not, and if they can hold off on chemo or radiotherapy until after the 1st of may, because thats when my little guy is making his communion, im flying off for a week....please god...lol

Hi Hugs,
Thats lovely to have the communion to look forward to. My eldest had his last year and I had a party at home, God its so not a day for the Mammy if you do it that way, I was knackered and it rained alllll day. We have to get some nice weather this year, definitely. Thankfully I dont have the next communion till next year, think a hotel is in order! Fingers crossed for tomorrow, sure it will be fine. I'm in too to see the surgeon, won't be bringing him a gold star for his copy!!! Love if he said he would do the surgery on Wednesday, he does Wed and Fridays. We're going to a hotel for Easter so earlier I get it done the better.
Good luck,
Celine

Hi hugs and Celine
Will be thinking of ye both tomorrow. Good luck to both of ye and may there be good news for both of ye.
Evelyn

Good luck tommorrow Hugs, and Evelyn too. Thinking of you both xx

Celine, im planning to go for lunch in the local hotel. Ds wants to go to the zoo, so depending on how things go with me (and the weather...lol), thats what we will be doing.
I just hope if i have to have another op, its done quickly, i really dont want to be sick for it. Its on the 1st of may....so fingers crossed.

I was having a bad day yesterday. It was my birthday and i was feeling very down (very unusual for me), but my sister whisked me off for the day for lunch and drinks and it really helped. When I got back, the kids and dh had a little party ready for me, cake and all. It was really nice.

Today i have wallowed in self pity..and for the first time allowed myself to. I have let myself have one day of moping around feeling crap.

Tomorrow is d-day. I just wish it was over and done with. I feel like throwing up. It could go so many ways, im dizzy thinking about it. The last 10 days have been horrible, dragging in.

Celine, I hope all goes well for you. Ill be praying they take you in on wed.
At least you have your easter break to look forward to, it should help you get through the next couple of weeks xxx

Thanks summerbreeze and evelyn, it really helps to know that there is someone out there who really understands what we are going through xxx

Hi Hugs
Belated happy birthday to you.
You are entitled to an off day, this is a rough time in your life. It's so hard for family to understand but WE all know what you are going through. Hang in there because really it does get easier.
This time last year I felt great and yet "THE LITTLE ALLIEN" was inside me. I would rather be where I am today, I get scared for the people not yet diagnosed. At least we are being looked after.
Good luck today, dont know if you are religious but I will say prayer for you.
evelyn x x

Ok, so good news and bad news.

The good news is that my lymphs are clear (thank god!!!).
The bad news is they didnt get clear margins. Im back in again (prob next week) to have more taken off. Aparently the lump was 1.2 cm, and was cancer (as i knew), the other one and the surrounding area was dcis. He said it was very fast growing! He got clear margins on the side where the 1.2 cm lump was, but not on the other side. So he is going in again...

I think im probably a little more confused right now, ill sift through my mind and see if i can make head or tail of it later on
So, another op, although it will just be a day job.
I found out today that i will definately have to have chemo and radiotherapy. I had thought i was going to escape the chemo....but its not to be.

Hi Hugs

Well finally you're a bit clearer! There's definitely some good news in there with your nodes being clear, that's great news. Unfortunately you need more surgery, but it at least it's a day job like you say. I wish you weren't facing the chemo but it's really for the best, same with the radiotherapy. I know your head is probably all over the place but come on here and sound off whenever you need to! and whenever you're not sure about something just ask here...there's a wealth of knowledge between us by now!!! Today was a hard day, but it's over now and you're on your way to getting better. Mind yourself xx.

Hi Hugs
Yes all a bit confusing for you tonight. Great news that lymph nodes are clear that is a bonus. Sorry you have to have more surgery in order to get that all important clear margins, but you want ALL of that wee alien out of you. The chemo is tough but manageable, make sure you get a copy of the chemo booklet (free of charge) from hospital or cancer society as it answers lots of questions you might have.
Evelyn x

Hi Hugs,

Congratulations on the nodes being clear. That IS a good sign. Usually that means you don't need chemo but I think they are recommending it because you are young AND because your cancer was fast -growing (aggressive). Did they mention if it was Estrogen Receptor Postive or HER2 positive?

I am really sorry to hear that you have to go in for more surgery. Have they given an indication of how much more breast tissue they are going to remove in your next op? I would ask if the 'dent' is going to be much bigger as a result. I would also ask if there is a chance they might still not get clear margins and have to go in AGAIN. And if this IS a possibility and the appearance of your breast will be further affected, I would inquire if the option of mastectomy WITH IMMEDIATE RECONSTRUCTION is an option for you. I know that its a tough thing to consider but it might be worthwhile having the discussion with them to see it would be of benefit both prognosis-wise and image-wise to you.

Sorry to throw this at you. I just thought it might be something for you to ask about and consider. I just want you to be aware of all your options. If its not for you, I would at least ask about recon during or after your next lumpectomy. It might not seem important now (many of us just want the cancer OUT asap and it seems silly to worry about our looks in comparison to the big diagnosis) but it might be an issue for you later on. I think you are in the Mater and I have a bit of info about the surgeons there that do recons. Send me a PM if you want to discuss this further.

Hugs (to Hugs),
Flo.

I ended up back at the clinic today, i thought i had an infection, but it was just more fluid. The place was mobbed with people, there were people standing around!!!!!!

Thank god it was just fluid though, because im definately going in on tuesday for the op and i was afraid it might be put off.

I went over to ARC house afterwards to have a look. It is lovely! I booked myself in for some councelling in a few weeks.
They have relaxation classes, thi chi, reflexology and other stuff like that. Im so glad I checked it out! Its on eccles street, opposite the mater hospital.

Flo, the cancer is estrogen and progesterone receptive. Im not sure what the plan is for that, Ill ask on my next visit.

I did ask if there would be a possibility of a recon aftr the lumpectomy if I didnt feel right, and was told it was a possibility (phew!)
There is a chance that the next op wont get it all, so it will be a mastectomy after that. I had said on my first visit that I would be prepared to have a mastectomy, rather than going in to have 'bits' taken off every couple of weeks...lol

Another odd thing today was that i asked about the results of the bone scan etc. They said there were no bone mets, but they found something in my skull. They have assured me that its not cancer, but they have to check it out. So I had an xray on my skull. Flippin lovely, as if i didnt have enough to worry about (although im sure its nothing to worry about). When the doc was telling me, I started laughing. My sister said it was a hysterical laugh.

There is a meeting for young women with breast cancer in Arc House on the 12th of april. Its for women up to around 45 years old. Aparently they have this about 4 times a year. It would be a great place to meet women in the same circumstances. So if any of you can go it would be great!

Thanks Hugs,
I might just try to make that meeting, it would be lovely to meet up anyway. When I had my bone scan, it showed up that I had an absess under one of my teeth (never felt a thing!) but they had to x-ray my jaw, it didnt affect a thing. So dont worry about your skull, ha ha it might just be extra brain cells, apply to mensa!
Have a good nights sleep, and hey drugs are great, I'm high as a kite!
Celine

Thanks for that Celine, I feel a bit better about my skull...lol.
I know someone here (i think it was elizabeth) had something similar on her rib, so i know its probably nothing, but its become a bit of a joke here...lol.

I hope you can come to the meeting, it sounds really good!
Ive put a new thread up about it, im hoping to recruit a few more...lol
It can be a bit of a social outing

So Im off in tomorrow to have my re-excise, fingers crossed they get it all.
Im feeling ok about it, just packing my pj's now. Hopefully just a day job!

Deep breath in...off we go again