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COPING WITH A TERMINALLY ILL PARENT-MY STORY Everyones experience in this situation will be different , I simply want to put my story out there so you know you are not alone in this and maybe give you some things to think about as you go through your experience. My mother Dorothy was diagnosed in May 2007.She had previously suffered from cancer around 10 years previous. I could not believe my ears, cancer again so many years later?It couldnt be true. But sadly it was and so followed what became and what will become for you reading this, a tough time ahead. Put simply thats what it is. Knowing what I know now because Ive gone through it in my own family and have come out the other side, there are things that Im proud of myself for and things I regret so Im am writing this so that you don’t have the same regrets as me. From the moment the oncologist speaks those feared words, you may find yourself go into automatic, which is what happened in my case. There was not much time to think about the finality of the situation or to get morbid about it-I automatically knew that it was all about making my mother happy and as comfortable as possible while we had her.Obviously there will be days when all you want to do is cry all day long and by all means, do. I always did this out of eye and earshot from my mother as seeing me cry would once again bring home the finality of it all. SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS YOU CAN WITH HIM/HER: Luckily my employers allowed me to decrese my hours so I was able to spend more time with her. I truly cherished every second with her. I would lie in bed beside her and even though, just talking about mundane things such as the local gossip, it filled a hole in the day for her and made me happy to think that even for just those few minutes, I was able to temporarily take her mind off her illness. Even when there was nothing to say, I just laid beside her and hugged her and held her hand and that bond is something Ill never forget.Those are the moments that I cherish now looking back. There was no need for words, she knew that I was there for her and I knew that she deeply appreciated my time for her. At the time, for myself personally, I tried to prepare myself for the inevitable by reading leaflets on dying and grieving etc. While these are all truly helpful, I think that a leaflet from the heart such as this may have helped me a bit more at the time as its personal.Afterall,I am just a normal 28 year old woman from a small rural part of Limerick with just my experience to base this on. MY ONLY REGRET: Even though I am so proud of myself for the way I coped with her illness at the time and I guess, for the way I am coping today, what I do regret is not finding out more about her while I could. And now that shes gone, there are 101 questions that I think of everyday that I would have loved to know about her. Like her life growing up, her first boyfriend, school, her wedding day, coping with four children and of course the big one-how she felt about her illness. While some terminally ill patients may have no trouble expressing their feelings and I admire them if they do, my mother was a quiet woman who never spoke of her illness and who never wanted to “burden” her children with any of her problems and I feel now that I should have encouraged her to speak more. I am so sorry for you reading this as I know what an intense and scary time it is for you and your family right now and most especially for your mother/father. Unfortunately in life, you have to deal with the cards you have been dealt and although cruel and unfair, right now is a good time to assess yourself, I bet already you are alot stronger than what you thought you were. You just dont know it yet. Please live for the moment right now with your mother/father. Hug him/her, kiss him/her,love him/her, help him/her, live for him/her. Take family photos,laugh together, cry together and never ever forget that you exist because of them. My thoughts are prayers are with you all. Sarah Dunne.

I have been diagnosed with B.A.C. the best cancer you can have so I have been informed. Would like to chat with other people who would like to share experiences, at the moment I have a cough that comes and goes. Very little is known about this cancer. I have had B.A.C since 2010, in 1998 I had my left lower lobe removed. In 2004 a shadow was seen and I was informed that this was pneumonia, however I have now been informed that this infact this B.A.C. so you can say I have had B.A.C since that date. F illing well as I do, it's like carrying a time bomb in my chest, every time I cough I think this is it time to book the fare well party. Positive side is that I have the support of my partner and family members and I filling great. Any one out there who wants to chat.

I have recently had a bone marrow transplant 8 months ago after being diagnosed with luekemia only 15 months ago. I am willing to just answer any questions that anyone may have regarding either.

I am interested in hearing from some one who is receiving HERCEPTIN WITHOUT CHEMOTHERAPY and who may also be diabetic on insulin for many years GLUCOSESWEET

Hi Ladies I have just found the signature feature on the user control panel and decided to use it to post a short profile on my stats (age at diagnosis, type and size of cancer, treatment, recon surgery etc). What do ye think of using this?? I duck in and out of the ICS message board. There are a few names that I recognise and remember their 'circumstances' but for the most part I forget who had what and where they are with treatment etc (can blame that on chemo!). Would many of you be willing to share your profile in the signature feature? It might help us better connect with each other if we know more about our diagnosis. LindyLu

Happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year to everyone using this forum. For some it's been a long year, for others their year is just starting. I hope you all find the encouragement, support and hope you need for 2011. Bring it on!

I finished chemo at the end of oct. I have a lovely buzz cut going on my head...im quite happy how fast my hair is growing back. I have eyebrows, and my eyelashes are coming in nicely. The problem I have is that i have a lot of facial hair growing aswell. Not just on my upper lip, but along the side of my face. Im a bit freaked out to be honest. Im starting tamoxafin tomorrow, and im nervous enough about that. I dont want to look like wolf girl Im afraid to wax it or use cream incase it makes it worse.

Does anybody else suffer with anxiety and sadness? I wonder if its the tamoxifen? I go through days of worrying about everything and feeling really anxious - then I wake up one morning feeling all positive again! I've been on taxoxifen for two years now and wonder if I can cope with three more years of this. I'm 55

Hi there, Anyone any advice for returning to work after breast cancer. I shall be shortly, after being off work for almost 2 yrs. I am terrified, is this normal. Did any one feel the same? Do you regret it or is it the best thing you could do. Please let me know , if you can. Hugs to all you very brave people out there. Huggybear xx

I am sitting here in the midst of post-school mahem & going mad with tinwhistles and guitars being practiced in the background but God love them all, my head is soooo far away that I feel like I'm in the middle of a serious brain mush. I went to my GP 11th January who suspected an auld cyst & forwarded me the the Breast Clinic for an aspiration. I wasn't expecting to get an appointment for a few weeks so was very pleasantly surprised to get a letter a few days later giving me a date for 20 January & highly praised the efficiency of the normally chaotic health service we have! I toddled in to the appointment alone as I was absolutey convinced it was a measly cyst. I delighted in having a yummy young doctor run his hands over my breasts who could feel the small lump I was talking about; the consultant then came in & then did the same thing all over again & made mention of it probably being a benign thingy thingy & sent me off for a mammogram (mildly uncomfortable), ultrasound (could have fallen asleep it was so boring:)) & core biopsy (again uncomfortable but nothing to scream about). Back to the doctor who told me that they not only saw the lump but found another one and they were concerned that it was more serious than a cyst. At this stage I lost my hearing as I heard very little of the consultancy after that, except mention of something being on a scale of 4/5, maybe surgery but nothing could be decided until the pathology results come back. Have to wait until 3rd of February which is my next appointment. Have worked every day since then to keep my mind off it but it's the inability to sleep at night & constant swinging between telling myself that most likely I have nothing to worry about, to thinking I have breast cancer and worrying about all the implications of that, not just medically, but with my family, work, friends, life in general. I suppose I am reaching out to anyone or everyone to firstly give me peace of mind and secondly to pray to whoever you pray to for my results to come back negative.