survivors guilt..

Hello Sunshine,
The passing of someone close, or even just an acquaintance from the same generation as us, is always sad and close to the bone, regardless of circumstances. But I think we human beings can torture ourselves no end, and I think I can understand where you come from. I sometimes have another type of guilt, it's the guilt of the person who, while diagnosed with cancer, got away with murder (i.e. no chemo). I hate telling people "I've been diagnosed with cancer", and when I have to, I find myself underplaying it as if it were a mild cold because I don't feel I can use the word when I had so little of the torture... How effed up is that ??
Anyway, all that to say, Sunshine, we both need to be a bit kinder to ourselves, and maybe be grateful for our outcomes thus far rather than guilty when others fare worse than us. Easier said than done, and the lecture is for me too
Anyway, I hope you are well today!
Catherine

I don't really suffer from guilt as I think any if us here that has had the dreaded cancer have suffered whether our treatment was easy or hard. I only had a lumpectomy and feel lucky I didn't have to have a mastectomy but I had horrible chemo and list my hair and was poisoned. It's no easy ride for any if us. A friend of a friend died a few weeks ago from breast cancer, well liver in the end. I used to enquire Bout her as she was going through treatment same time as me. I was shocked when I heard it spread and she died. Maybe I was in my little world thinking oh breast cancer can be cured and fixed so we are ok. This happening is very very scary. All I can do is be positive and pray to God that the cancer never appears again. You just feel more vulnerable when you've had it. On the positive I met an Australian woman who had breast cancer 15 years ago and is doing fine. Enjoy life girls it's for living. No one knows what is around the corner xxxx

Bloody guilt! Isn't it a right divil really!?! I used to feel guilty for having has breast cancer, I used to feel guilty for dragging my family and friends through months of trials and tribulations, and like you, felt guilty for surviving when so many people who went through the treatment doors same as me didn't make it.
However, a couple of friends that passed away since I started treatment, while their families are very sad that they are no longer here, they are genuinely glad that others have made it and that all the surgery treatment was worthwhile for me. Also, I consider those couple of friends as part of my troup of angels that help me up when my day isn't going so good.
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