my husband has cancer

Hi

I am very sorry to hear that your husband has been diagnosed with cancer. Not being able to visit him must make it so much more difficult for you both and for your daughter. As you say you are still trying to come to terms with it yourself.

It must be hard for you to know what to say and when to say it.Generally children know something serious is up and they will usually hear the word cancer from somewhere so it is better to hear this you. Finding a time and a place where you know you can’t be disturbed is important. Start off by trying to find out what she understands first and then explain what the illness is using the word cancer. She might need to know how this will affect her Dad and giving her some information about the treatment in simple clear language can be helpful. It is better not to tell a lie or to make promises that you may be unable to keep. It is also ok to say ‘I don’t know’ if you are unsure about anything. Encourage your daughter to ask any questions and listen to her concerns. Do remind her that she is very much loved by you both. Don’t be upset if you cry in front of your daughter- this is very normal.

As I write this I am aware that there is so much more in our book ‘Talking to Children about Cancer’ here. I would also like to suggest that you phone our Nurseline and speak to one of our cancer nurses about this and also about our counselling service. It may also be possible for the social worker in the hospital your husband is in at the moment to talk with him about this and maybe help you both with setting up a Face time call between your husband and your daughter.

I hope this has been helpful-do phone us on 1800 200 700 Mon- Thurs 9-8pm Fri Sat Sun 9-5pm if you would like to talk to us about it.

Kind regards

Cancer nurse  

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your husband. I just wanted to reply as I had breast cancer last year and I have a 6 year old and a 12 year old. I was very positive with them, told them that I will be well looked after by the nurses and doctors. I kept them in the same routine as normal with help from family and friends. I think children take the lead from the atmosphere around them. I was very positive from the start, I got in fight mode during treatment and my children seem to have managed ok.