new thread for anyone who has lost a loved one

Hi Katie & Trisha,
Thanks for your replies, it really helped.

I have a lot of firsts this month without my mam. (dad, mam and my brother's birthdays and easter). Hopefully next month will be easier but i am taking your advice and getting through one day at a time.

The hardest things are not being able to talk to her and get her opinion on things like clothes. I could always rely on her for an honest opinion.

Thanks for listening.

Talk soon

Marcella

hi girls, if you have read the tag before this, dont worry, ive already reported the heartless creature who was cruel enough to post it. hopefully this obsenity will be removed asap and they will be blocked from leaving futher messages as this again. i cant believe that someone would use a cancer website to display this type of thing when the people here are grieving the loss of thier loved ones. all i can say to them is get a life and stop having a laugh at the expence of genuine people. anyway, i hope this wont stop any of you from talking here as i know this is a lifeline for some of us. love and hugs to all of you and your families, trisha.

good to see the post that i complained about has been removed promptly. i was amazed to see how many of the threads that had been contaminated with the filth that was posted on this site. well done to the irish cancer society for acting so quickly to remove them. trisha

sorry again girls, it seems that no matter what i do, the person who keeps putting these tags up here are just goin to continue to do so. i reported it before and it was removed but lo and behold, shes back. maybe the best thing to do is to ignore it, but i dont see why people like her should get away with this. she obviously never had to watch a loved one die from cancer or she wouldnt do it. maybe one day she will need a site like this. all the best to my friends, trisha.

Hi Trisha I didn't get to read any of the tags you are talking about but I am assuming that somebody is posting nasty things, I think you are right and we should just ignore this person. She is obviously some sort of saddo with no life that she has to post on a site that's not relevant for her and who gets enjoyment out of other peoples grief. All I know is that the help and support I have got from this site has been great and I hope it doesn't put people off posting.
Anyway rant over I hope that ye are all doing ok these days.

hi sarah its good to hear from you. the tags that were placed here were advertising for a porn site. not exactly cancer website material, but i wasnt the only one who complained and the tags were removed. they even had the nerve to put the ads on other peoples memorial sites. anyway i do think its best left to be ignored, but as you say, im afraid it will put people off talking here. i know if it werent for this site, i wouldnt have got through the darkest months of my life. i hope you are keeping well too, ive been ok lately but now and again i still have my little private cry. im really looking forward to the birth of my grand-daughter which is only 7 weeks away. my daughter thinks shes spoilt rotten [and shes not even born] because of all the things ive bought. i just cant resist all the wee tiny baby things, and she is my first grandchild after all. anyway, im really pleased to hear from you, i check in each day to see if we have anyone new on the thread so you know im still here if you need a chat. anyway, i will go for now but will speak soon, love and hugs to you and your family, trisha x.

Hi Trisha and Katie

Just checking in to see how both of you are doing. I know we don't post as often I suppose that's only natural as time goes on but both of you are in my thoughts.

I am doing ok at the moment had a few bad days recently but seem to be better now again I suppose its hard to deal with the ups and downs of it all. I feel that you should be getting a bit better every day but that's not the case is it?

Trisha you won't feel it now until your granddaughter's birth, its so lovely to have something like that to look forward to.
Katie I hope you are doing ok as well and Marcella as well.

Take care

Sarah

hi sarah, its good to hear from you. sorry youve had a few rough days, i know what its like too. ive been ok of late, too busy to stop long enough to think much about it. have been getting things ready for the baby coming in 5wks as my daughter still lives at home with me so we are baby proofing everything now. i forgot how expensive a baby is, with nappies and things as my kids are well grown up now. anyway i hope everyone is keeping well and i will speak to you soon, love and hugs to you all and your families, trisha.

Hi Sarah & Trisha,
I know it's been a while since we have been in touch but I think of you's near enough every day because you's played a big part in helping me through those dark days.I still have my bad days as well but I also have good days thank god!I still and always will miss my Dad he played a huge role in all my families lives and we speak about him all the time and it's so amazing the younger grandchildren are always talking about him so it's nice to see that they will always have memories of him. Still no luck on the baby front yet but I promise you both that after my family you's will be next to know if anything stirs. Trisha I bet you's are all running around now double checking you's have everything in place for your little granddaughter she will definitely brighten up your spirits.I'll sign off now . you are both always in my thoughts and my heart. Love always Katie xxx

hi katie, it was lovely to hear from you. i feel the same as you at the minute [i will always miss my dad too] but im learning to live life without him now. i still think what am i gonna do without him but i know he wouldnt want me to mourn him forever so im moving on with the future.
yes, im having a hectic time at present with the babys due date approaching rapidly, im worried about my daughter too [ after all, shes my baby]. she is such a quiet wee thing and never makes much of a fuss about anything so when shes in pain, im the last to know. im dreading going into the delivery suite with her, but i also feel very privileged to get the chance of seeing my grandchild come into the world. dont worry katie, your time will come, not too long down the track i bet you will be telling us your good news. i will keep you in my prayers in the meantime.
i will sign off for now, but if anyone needs a chat, im still here, checking in regularly. love and hugs to you and your families, trisha.

Hi Girls,

Having a bad day today, my mum's memorial cards came during the week. It has made it all seems so permanent. It has now been 6 weeks to the day that i have lost my mum. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier if anything it feels worse.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Marcella

Hi Marcella

I know how you feel when we received Dads a couple of weeks back I was a basket case for a few days after but all I can say to you is that it gets a little easier to deal with as the days go by. Its only been six weeks for you so of course its still going to be raw and new.You don't get over what has happened you just learn to live with it . I miss my Dad everyday but I wouldn't wish him back to be suffering the way he did the last few days of his life.The girls on here have been a great comfort and support to me from when I found out about dad up to present day and we are all there for you too. Take care . Love Katie xx

Hi Marcella

So sorry to hear that you are feeling down I was the same when my Dads cards came as well. Like Katie said it has only been 6 weeks for you since your Mum passed away. Believe me it does get better it has been over 7 months now since my dad died and you do eventually get on with your life. I think about him every day and still miss him but like Katie said I wouldn't wish him back to the suffering. It takes time Marcella and we are all here to help you.

Sarah

hello all, sorry ive not posted lately, but i got new laptop and have had a few probs getting it up and running. anyway ive been reading through the new posts and just wanted to say, marcella, im sorry for the way youve been feeling, there isnt anything i can say that sarah and katie havent said already. its been 8 months since my dad passed away and it really does get easier as time goes by. i still miss my dad but i dont cry nowhere near as much as i did in the first few months. the girls on the site here are great friends to have and they got me through the worst of the early days. we will all try to do the same for you and if you need to talk then theres always someone here for you. anyway, i will close for now but will talk soon. youre all in my thoughts and prayers, trisha.

Hi Girls, Thanks for the your replies. It really does help knowing that unfortunately you all know how i feel and what it is like. In my close circle of friends, they all have their parents. Not that i would wish for anyone of them to be going through what i am. I just feel that they have no idea of what it is like and i find it very hard to talk to them about it as they don't really have an understanding of what it is like. I feel like there is a part of me missing.
I hope things are good with you all. Thanks again for your support. Marcella

Hi Marcella
I know how you feel its hard to talk to friends especially when they don't understand what you are going through, unless you know what it feels like to lose a parent is hard to know what to say. I am reading a good book at the moment its called When Parents Die by Rebecca Abrams, the author lost her father and step father. It might be of some help to you. Its been a big help to me, it shows me that even 8 months later that what I am going through is normal.

hi girls, just wanted to let you all know that it looks like im about to become a granny tonight. carrieanne has been having contractions all day and i took her to the dr, we are waiting for the taxi at the moment. will let you allknow when its over, im a bag of nerves at the min but very excited too. love and hugs to you all, trisha.

Hi Trisha thats great news best of luck.

Hi Girls

I've been thinking of you's a lot this morning I wanted you's to know that I will be thinking of you's and your families on Sunday also. It's been a emotional roller coaster this week for me as I sure it has been for you all to. I just wish I could go to bed on Saturday and wake up Monday when it's all over. I bought my Dad a fathers day card yesterday and put it beside his photo and Urn. I'm absolutely dreading the day the sooner the better it's over. Memories of the night Dad died that I had somehow blocked out have been coming to my mind the last few days things that I hadn't even remembered until then, I thought things were getting a little better but I seem to be back at square one now.

Love to you all Katie xxxx

Hi Trisha

I haven't been receiving and notification lately to tell me there are new posts but How did everything go have you become a GRANNY yet.

Love Katie

Hi Katie

I know how you feel Sunday is going to be a hard day for all of us. I know its hard to block out the memories. I was just thinking yesterday of something that happened when my Dad was in hospital last year that I had forgot and its really affected me it feels painful all over again. I think its the fact that fathers day is so soon that the memories are coming back. The firs year is always going to be so hard because there is so many firsts without our Dads. Hope you get through Sunday OK I'll be thinking of you and Trisha.

Sarah

hi girls, im not a granny yet. her labour stopped so they are bringing her in to start it on [of all days] sunday. i was planning to go to dads grave to put on flowers and a card but im going to be at hospital with my daughter now. its not their fault, but it was a day i wanted to remember my dad and thats not going to be possible now. the hospital is the one dad was diagnosed and lay in for months. i cant be sad that i dont get to grieve though, dad wouldve wanted us to be happy for the new life we are about to recieve [if i didnt know any better, id say dad had this planned so we dont cry on fathers day]. anyway i will think of you all on sunday as i know this is going to be hard for you. all my love and hugs for you and your loved ones, trisha.

Hi Girls,

I will be thinking of you all tomorrow and hopefully tomorrow will not be too painful. I had to bring my dad to the same hospital where my mum died to get his heart shocked. Thankfully it was successful but it was so hard to walk the same corridors as i walked when mam was alive.

Looking forward to hearing some good news from you soon Trish.

Marcella

Hi everyone,
Haven't been on in a while but have been thinking of ye. Have just been reading your posts. It's really all about good days & bad days & remembering the good times.
Marcella, sorry to hear about your Mum. My mum's funeral was 5 months ago today. It's a lot to get to get your head around.
I have the same story as yourself, Katie & Sarah. My mum had ovarian cancer. She told gynaecologists something wasn't right. They told her to wait & see!!. It makes me so sad/mad that this happens in this day & age & that if somebody had listened, we might still have our loved ones. It eats me up sometimes. Knowing ye have had the same experiences makes it harder to have faith in our health service. But at least ye understand even more how hard it is.
Just keep thinking of the good times.
Talk soon

hello all. i really hope you got through yesterday ok. i wish id been able to be at my dads grave, but it wasnt possible as i was with my daughter as she gave birth to an 8lb baby girl!!!!!!!!!! im just back from dads grave now [i know its a day late but he would understand]. carrieanne [my daughter] said she saw dad looking into the babys crib in the early hours of the morning, she reckons she was hallucinating from the drugs. id like to believe he really did visit her and that he knows hes a g/grandad. anyway thats all i have for now, im exhausted so im just gonna turn in, ive another busy day tomorrow running to the hospital and doing "granny" things. all my love and hugs to you and your families. trisha

Hi all, I'm just joining this, and have read your posts with a mixture of sadness and joy. Joy at the new granddaughter for one of you, and sadness for all the loss. My partner , Drew, died of cancer in June 2001, when our son Andrew was just 14months old. Very sudden, and still painful. Then I too, was blessed with a granddaughter in April last year. Caitlin Belle, born to my lovely daughter, Jacqeline, I was present at the birth! My regret is, not only that Drew is not here to share in his son and grandchild's lives, but also that they will never know him. I'm lucky still to have both parents, Mam just turned 80yrs and Dad will be 80 next Jan. ( he says he's her toyboy ) I discovered this website because I just did the 'Dip in the Nip' on Sun at Lissadell Beach, Co. Sligo. It was a life-changing experience, totally awesome and very uplifting for the soul! ( and freezin'! ) Everyone there had been affected by cancer, either directly or through losing a loved one. And through participating in that, I have found you all. Has to be a good thing. Take care everyone, much love, Rosie x

hello rosie, its lovely to have you join us on the thread although the reason for your being here is obviously a painful one. unfortunately we all know what its like as we have all gone through it. but thats the good part, we have helped each other through the bad times and as you see, we share the good things also. i hope you will continue to share here with us and maybe your story will show someone else they are not alone. im so sorry you lost your partner, it must have been very difficult for you. at a time when you shouldve been planning a future with your new son you were planning the funeral of his father. i like to believe my dad is still watching over us and that he always will [he was my best friend and i miss him so much]. thats how i get through some of the bad days i have. anyway, its good you decided to share and i hope you continue to chat with us, love and hugs to you and your family, trisha.

Hi Trisha

Congratulations on your little granddaughter . Lots of Love Always Katie xxxx :)

Hi Trisha

Congrats on you new baby granddaughter she will being lots of much needed joy into your life.

Also welcome to Roise I am so sorry to hear that you lost your partner when your son was so young.

hi girls, its great to hear from you all. thankyou for the messages of congrats. if i can ever figure out how to use my computer properly, i will post some pics on the thread. im absoloutly in love with the little angel, shes soooooo beautiful. i really am a dotty ole granny over her. i hope you all got over fathers day alright, i was thinking of you even in the delivery room. my dads b/day is now approaching so i have another date to get over me, but my daughter is having the baby christened on dads b/day so we can mark the occasion as a tribute to dad. i think hed have been chuffed to bits. anyway, i will talk again soon, love and hugs to all of you and your families. trisha x

Hi all, many thanks for the warm welcome from Trisha and SarahJ, I have already found great comfort in being part of the thread, even though our reasons for being here are so sad and often tragic. As many of you have said, friends and family will always have their own burdens to bear, and that makes it difficult sometimes when you just want someone who understands what you are going through. Father's Day is a hard one in my home also, but we always remember Drew with good memories. I have two older children, from a previous marraige (now 23 and 20 )and my daughter, Jacqueline who was 11yrs when Drew died, caught me sobbing one night about 2 years after we lost Drew ( I tried to hide my grief from the children ) and she told me that when she was feeling low and missing him, she wrote a letter to him and kept him 'up to date' with all that was happening in our lives. Well, girls, after drying my eyes yet again, I also did the same. I have found that it helps alot. I often speak aloud to him, especially when I'm despairing over something Andrew has been up to! Andrew is so much like his Dad, always up to something!
Marcella, I can understand you feeling there is a part of you missing, remember that your Mum lives on in you, in your heart and in your memories, she will always be there. Thanks again to you all, for this 'life-raft' forum. Much love,
Rosie xxx

Hi Girls,
Welcome to the website Rosie. I am very sorry to hear that you lost your partner when your son was so young. Thanks for your kind words.
Congratuluations Trish on your new grandchild.
Today was a hard day as my workplace had the irish cancer society in today to show a dvd and give a talk as we had raised € 10,000 for the cause. It was great that there was so much raised but it reminded me so much of what mam went through and how much i miss her. It's been nearly 3 months now. I have been thinking of going to see a Psychic in a few months time and was wondering if any of you have done this and if so did it help.
Thanks for all your support
Marcella.

Hi Girls

Marcella have been thinking of seeing a physic also I have the phone number in my bag but keep putting it off put hopefully will do it soon. Trisha a big hug to you hand your family I can't wait to see her pictures. I was talking to my Mam about all off you last night and how you's have been a tower of strength to me since last September . Its so funny Mam reckons when I speak of you's as I often do it's seems like I'm talking of people that I have known for years but funnily girls that's how I feel. I couldn't of asked for any more support that you have all given me. Lots of Love always Katie xxxxx

hi girls. katie, i feel the same about all of you too. its like ive been friends with you all for years. i think its a good thing though as i could never sit and talk as openly with anyone as ive been able to do with my friends here on the site.
marcella, that was a lot of money raised for a great cause, you should feel proud of the part you played in helping to raise that amount. i used to run in the belfast marathon for children with cancer but then i developed agoraphobia and i cant do it anymore. [im too out of shape now to even try].
rosie, im glad you felt welcome here, we do our best to talk as often as possible and you mention you already found some comfort in being here, well that makes us all feel like weve done something worthwhile. that was the idea of this thread, to help each other through difficult times.
sarah, havent had a chance for a proper chat of late, hope you are keeping well. its been a hard time for us all who lost our dads and then fathers day creeping up to rub salt in the wound, when i got to my dads grave on monday, i cried more than i think i wouldve had i gone the day before. i felt like id betrayed him, i know that probably sounds silly but thats what it was like for me.[hed be really mad at me for thinking like that].
anyway girls, i will sign off for now, look forward to hearing from you all soon, love and hugs to you and your families, trisha x

Hi Girls

How are you all doing. Its a while since I checked in so hope things have gotten a bit easier for you all. I have been doing ok lately was glad to get over fathers day. The next big date is the 1st anniversary its only a few months away now. I can't believe it has been that long someday it only feels like yesterday. I just wanted to say thanks to everybody on this site that has helped knowing that ye are all out there makes things a bit easier to bear. Trisha I hope your baby granddaughter is doing well. I saw the message to you Dad and I am sure he is looking down on all of you.

Take care. Sarah

hi sarah, i knew the first anniversary for you was approaching,soon but i didnt want to mention it in case i upset you. my dads anniversary is in sept so ive been feeling it too. i know what you mean about it only seeming like yesterday, my kids were talking to me about it the other day and my daughter said she still misses him as much now as she did in the begining when he died. he was a brilliant grandparent to my kids and spoiled them rotten, so i guess i can see why they still miss him so much. i have been thinking of you a lot because of the anniversary coming up and i will continue to say a wee prayer each night for all of you girls here on the site, all my love and hugs to all of you and your families, trisha.

well girls, ive just gotten over another anniversary. it was dads birthday on sunday and i made it through the day. its not that it was easy, no, but my granddaughter was also christened on the day and it took some of the sadness away for a little while. after the baptism we all went around to dads grave and put on flowers for his birthday. it was his 74th birthday, i wish he could have been there to spend it with us. Rhiannon wore our family christening robe [which dad had been baptised in also] and she looked so beautiful. dad wouldve loved her and hed have been so proud to see another generation of his family wear his robe. i dont know that i couldve got through the day without the distraction of the baptism. dad was mentioned several times during the service and there wasnt one family member with dry eyes [except the baby strangely enough]. anyway i just wanted to let you all know im still on here regularly. soi will go for now with the usual, love and hugs to all of you and your families, trisha.

Hi Trisha

I know how hard it can be for the 1st birthday without your Dad but its nice that something happy happened that day as well your granddaughter baptism I'm sure it helped on what was a very sad day for you. I cant believe its almost a year now I don't know where the time is gone. This time last year my dad was very sick and I logged on to the site fro the first time and I am so glad that I found you and Katie to go through the last year with. You have always been there on some of the worst days. Sometimes and I am sure you feel the same I still cant believe my Dad is gone forever even a year later it still seems strange. Hopefully the next year will bring better things for all of us.

Sarah

hi sarah, good to hear from you. youre so right about not being able to believe your dads gone even after almost a year. to be honest, i still cry in bed every night and still go over his last few days in my head. those are memories i wish i didnt have but i cant get rid of them. everyone kept telling me it was time to move on and get over it so i pretended i had to save the grief i got from them. but i will never forget my dad and i dont want to. my dad was also very ill this time last year so i know youre probably thinking of that [just like me]. without you guys on here, i dont know how i wouldve coped as i dont think anyone truly understands what its like unless they have been there. but i think its great that there are a lot of new people joining this thread and now they will have same support as we shared with each other. anyway, if you need a chat you know im here. all my love and hugs to you all and your families. trisha.

Hi Trisha

Its good to hear from you. I think its very easy for people to say to move on if they haven't been through what we have been through losing our Dads. I am reading a good book at the moment called when parents die and the author who also lost her father said it can take 2 years to start feeling somewhat normal again. I really do believe that. I also read an interview with Sandra Bullock recently and she said it took her 2 years after her mother died to realise she wasn't coming back. So we are only halfway there. Sometimes its good to read these things, it feels like you are not strange for feeling this way.

Sarah

hi sarah, ive been told about that book before so maybe its time i gave it a go. im sure any bookshop would sell it and there are quite a few good ones here in belfast. i am definetely gonna give it a go. i think maybe im dwelling on things because the 1st anniversary is drawing near so its all being brought to the surface again. im so glad ive got this website and all the people here, i have been given so much good advice and people who actually care how the others feel. if you want to chat again, ill be here, trisha.

hi sarah, i dont know if you are even on here anymore, but im writing this in the hope you will see it. i just wanted to let you know im thinking of you this month more than ever as its a year since you lost your dad. ive been an absolute wreck myself as its also a year for me on the 25th. its been creeping up and im not coping too well so i imagine youre feeling the same. i hope that with the grace of God we will be able to get the date over without too much grief and sadness and that we will be able to remember the good times with our dads and the laughs we had instead of the last few weeks spent with them. anyway i wont go on and on, i just want you to know im thinking of you and your family, God bless, trisha.

Hi Trisha

Thank you so much for writing and letting you know you are thinking of me. I have been thinking about you too this month as well. I thought it would be easier than this to be honest but the last week especially has been really hard have been thinking about how ill my Dad was and how near the end he was at this time last year and part of me didn't realise it or probably was trying to block it out. The first anniversary is really hard isn't it? harder than I thought it would be. I will be thinking of you and your family on the 25th and hope you get through it ok. I always check in Trisha so write whenever you want, it may take awhile for me to reply but I always will.

Sarah

Hi Trisha

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and your family today. I know it can be a hard day to get through as all the memories come flooding back. I hope you are ok.

Sarah

hi sarah, im afraid im not doing too well today. i picked up the family and took them to dads grave, where i sat and bawled my eyes out. its like he only just passed away all over again. i had no idea it was going to feel like this. i knew it would be hard but i never imagined it would still feel this fresh in my mind. im sorry, it must have felt like this for you too and im going on about me. how are you since the anniversary of your dad? i only hope that it gets easier from here on in as i dont want to go through this every year from now on. i upset my mum and my children badly with the state i got myself into. i will sign off for now but will talk again soon. thankyou for being there once again, your friend, trisha.
katie if you are on anymore, i want you to know im thinking of you as i remember you lost your dad a year ago next month. please get in touch, would love to hear from you again. hope we can be of some comfort to you. you know we are here anyway. trisha

Hi Trisha

I am so sorry I thought your Dads anniversary was today. I'm also sorry to all the girls for not been on in a while.xxx Love Katie

Hi Sarah, Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you also this month. Sorry I haven't been on much but I haven't been coping very well lately as it will be a year the 24th next month since Dad died and for some reason it seems to be getting harder rather than easier. Love to you all Katie xxxx

hi katie. its lovely to hear from you. i know what you mean about it seeming to be harder, i feel the same. ive been missing my dad more than ever lately. i knew it was next month for your dads anniversary and i wanted to let you know i was thinking of you. i hope with the grace of God you can get through it with the minimum upset. when it was dads anniversary, we all [the whole family] went to the grave and spent an hour remembering him. i was in bits and my son and daughter had to console me. i cant believe it is all still so fresh in my mind after a year but it is. ive been trying to get my hands on a book that sarah reccomended about the loss of a parent, i dont go out much though due to agoraphobia so ive had no luck as yet. i hope to get a copy soon to see if it will help me. i will close for now, but you know im here if you need me so please dont hesitate if you want a chat. i will be thinking of you on the 24th. your friend, trisha.

Thanks Trisha xxxx

Hi Trisha

I know how upsetting it can be the 1st anniversary, even though I have been to my dads grave a lot since he died I found it really hard the day of the 1st anniversary so I can understand why you got so upset its really hard. Its just feels like you are back at that time again even though a year has passed it doesn't feel like it. Hopefully it will get easier over the next year at least it wont be in our minds what happened this time last year. I hope you are feeling a bit better now.
Katie its good to hear from you as well I was thinking that it was your Dads anniversary next month. Sorry to hear that things have been hard for you I know what you mean that sometimes it gets harder instead of easier. I am here if you want a chat.

I bought the book online at easons.ie it called When Parents Die I found it helped.