posted by frankiebaby
26 February 2012
survivor 18 months on...
Last reply:
20 June 2012 09:57
hi - i was diagnosed with stage 2b adenocarcinoma at end June 2010 and treatment started August. I had chemo-radio-brachytherapy and have been doing ok since then thankfully, there has been nothing found to date to cause anyone any concerns. I've been feeling a bit miserable these days though. I do have my public 'face'...positive mental attitude and all that but really i am feeling a bit plagued in the headspace and like I am the only one in the world like me.
I am not sure why I am sharing here on this space. I thought of going to the support centre I went to after treatment but I think I have moved on from there really and I am thinking that even though there is so very little activity here ...well, perhaps there is another survivor out there a little further down the road than me who can identify with how it is for me right now.
It is amazing to me that there is no-one out there talking about their experiences after the treatment. I am still doing the 3-monthly consults. I wake up every morning absolutely aware that I still have this mad adventure going on... I have to keep a check that lymphadema is not happening to me, I've to be a little hypochondriac about myself with aches, new pains and so on, and as for the bathroom chasing...maybe talking about that might be a step too far, but really...I know that these things are a small price to pay for survival and I appreciate that there are those who have to deal with way worse. But this is my own hell and I feel like I am dealing with it alone. And then there is the poor memory, tiredness and alll that goes with the now new menopausal me!
Before my adventures started I was madly active, chasing about living my life at a great pace...although I've gotten back to the gym it is such a struggle energy-wise in the efforts get myself back to where I was 18 months ago that I have failed so far to get back running and wonder will I ever! I am not giving up but if there was anyone out there who could tell me if life ever returns to anything near normal that would be great. I know that I am not unusual, either with the things my poor body is experiencing nor how I feel about it all but feedback from someone in the same boat as me could help with the feeling of being alone in the world. I am not dealing with this adventure alone. I do have support. But no matter how good that support is they have no real appreciation for how my world has changed. They have moved on now and I am apparently returned to my life. If nothing else I have gotten this off my chest though so if you have stayed with me until now you deserve a cuppa and a biscuit, so thanks.
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